WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
