I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
