I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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