saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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