there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
