Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
