We won't sleep together?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
