Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
