Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
