I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
