I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
