This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You're a waste of cheezeits
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
