Sponge bath it is.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
