i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
