did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
