And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize