So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
whose parrot is this?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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