Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
