I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You smell like stripper and shame
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
