I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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