What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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