how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's rum buckets o'clock
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
