I just saw a hot homeless man
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
