YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
