I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I smell stomach acid.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
