walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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