You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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