we have pet lesbian snakes
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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