I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
