I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
