but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
