me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
