I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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