Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
