I think my vagina is haunted
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
