either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
your room smells of hookers.
And success
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
