My liver just broke up with me...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
