Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
