i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
