did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
