God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
