If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
