My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
