I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize