Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize