i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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