She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
No I am not eating basil off your cock
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
