so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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