Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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