update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
