If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
