also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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