I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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