Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
