I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
