You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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