Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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