We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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