Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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