the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
