Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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