She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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