I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
