They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
