and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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