So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
