i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
