he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
