I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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