dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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