I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
