fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
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When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
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I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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