Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
