it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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